Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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