he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
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And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
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He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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