You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
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He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
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SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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