Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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