We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
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we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
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Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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