Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
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He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
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When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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