she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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