I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
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i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
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So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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