Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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