I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
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She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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