Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize