My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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