Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
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just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
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Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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