Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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