Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
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Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
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I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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