TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
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I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
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Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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