6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize