Banned from zoo.
Again?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize