I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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