I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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