After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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