There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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