Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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