Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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