Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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