TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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