Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize