I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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