I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
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Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
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Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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