Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
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We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
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is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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