Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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