hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
