EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize