I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize