1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize