no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
