We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
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cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
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They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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