Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize