i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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