We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
