Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
