so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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