I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
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thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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