Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
