Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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