u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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