i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
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If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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