There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize