The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
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Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
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You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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