Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
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