dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
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I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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