fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
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I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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